“How have you been Ben?”
“Ha. That’s a loaded question… Pretty good.”
“So, not super good? Like okay?”
“Eh… I don’t know, I’ve been good, life’s just complicated. But yea, good.”
“Life can get like that sometimes.”
“Hm. No, life can get simple sometimes… I think the default is complicated.”
Photo by Berkay Mavral: https://www.pexels.com/photo/passengers-inside-a-ferry-boat-14815047/
I’ve been feeling distracted lately. Perhaps lately is the wrong word…
I’ve been feeling distracted for the last three months and am unsure how I feel about it. I always hated the idea of being comfortable, of never moving forward, of being okay with where I’m at. This doesn’t mean never being content with where you are in life—that would be highly unhealthy and make one depressed and also quite narcissistic. I’m talking about the thing that happens when you get lazy, or distracted, and suddenly you wake up in a couple months—or sometimes a couple years, God forbid—and you realize you’ve missed something. You were comfortable. You let your grip loosen on the things that you really cared about simply because you were enjoying something else; you were enjoying the comfort that comes when you allow yourself to do the easy thing.
But life isn’t won by doing the easy things now, is it?
Things I learned about how being comfortable was ruining my life:
1) the moment I wasn’t pushing myself was the moment I missed something
Being distracted happens. It happens to everyone. It’s like that little afternoon nap. You think you’re just resting your eyes for a second, and then two hours later you wake up, and only then do you realize you’ve fallen asleep. But it’s too late then. You’ve missed something.
I find that for me, I must constantly be pushing myself, if I don’t, I get distracted, I get lazy, and I miss things.
I got comfortable doing life, getting carried away by stuff that was easier than pushing myself, and I just missed the stuff of life I knew I really cared about, deep down.
But it’s not even that easy. Sometimes, it’s putting aside something that’s distracting you that is actually also good. But it’s just not time for that thing yet. One day, but not yet.
2) being comfortable isn’t scary. doing the hard thing is scary
I think if you never feel a bit of fear, you’re living life wrong. Doing the right thing, doing the hard thing, pushing yourself to be a better person—it all takes a good dose of courage; courage means facing fears, or else, you wouldn’t need courage, would you? One doesn’t need courage to be comfortable and lazy, because it’s not scary.
Pushing yourself to do the hard things, even the little things, that’s scary.
That could be as simple as getting out of bed at a decent time because you know you should. What are you afraid of? That you won’t get the sleep you really need? That you’ll have to be responsible? Face the tasks of the day? What is so daunting about getting out of bed when you know you should, that you hate the thought of doing so? Or is it that you just want to be comfortable? Life doesn’t wait up for anyone.
That’s just one thing, but apply that to any other aspect of your life. That’s when it hit me. What happens when you ask yourself the question: What am I afraid of that’s keeping me from getting to where I want to be?
…And is it worth it?
3) when you push yourself, you push those around you and vice-versa
Surrounding yourself with people who are comfortable, means you are hurting your own potential.
Remember the saying, “You are who you surround yourself with”? Well, it’s quite true here.
The best way to be distracted, comfortable, and indifferent, is to do what everyone else does, to follow the crowd. I found it was better for me to not have any friends and to be content being a loner than to pursue a crowd who wasn’t gonna push me to my goals and was more of a negative energy just for the sake of having friends. That was the fear: not having any friends. And that is a legitimate fear, but the fear isn’t worth losing yourself.
You can find other friends.
anyhoo, that’s just my experience, I hope you got something from it :) let me know about yours in the comments!
~benji
P.S. Don’t forget to add me to safe senders and take this email out of any spam filters or promotions tabs it might have been thrown into. The email address this is coming from should be benmena.substack.com
playlist i listened to while writing this:
Well I loved that and today I’m probably going to start planning a book I’ve been wanting to write for the past few months but kept putting off, and also set a workout goal 💀